So much has happened and changed since my last blog, which I believe was in January. Good grief. I should be better at updating them, I really should, I don’t even have an excuse for it.
We have been a revolving door of visitors and it’s been so fun. The first round was my mom and Aunt Patsy. We really did everything there was to do in two weeks, including a trip down to Torquey in Cornwall; the beautful coast of England. We went to Cadbury World and ate delicious chocolate, visited some of the Cotswald Villages and spend the very cold and rainy day in London. We rode the London Eye which is a huge ferris wheel that gives you the view of all of London. Leah and I had to go to our happy place while we were on it because it really was so high. Needless to say, we were all worn out by the end of that visit.
Next comes Royce and Margherita (Josh’s dad and Stepmom). They were here for 3 weeks. We went to France with them because the girls were off of school for two weeks. We toured the Normandy beach areas. That was so amazing and haunting and chilling. We went to a D-day museam in Portsmouth, England before our ferry ride. We met a 96 year old D-day veteran who was so adorable, I really wanted him to come home with us, but Josh said no. Those beaches were so cool to be at and to think of all the history. Then, we were off to Paris. Abbey has done such a big project on France and Paris, so it was great to watch her see all the famous landmarks. We toured massively for 2 days, even when Margherita was sick, she was a good sport. Once we got back to England, we did all the local things, including going to Bath, which we love. That was a fun, busy visit as well.
Next comes my dad for 3 weeks. Once he got here, he got adjusted to the jet lag and we were off to Scotland! We loaded the car up for a 6 hour drive north. All of our local English friends think we are nuts to drive that far for a weekend, but it’s nothing unusual for us! We toured the Edinburough Castle and went to a shop where all the tartans are made. The next day, we went on a 12 hour bus tour through all the Highlands of Scotland including the Loch Ness. No such luck on seeing “Nessie”, but you are offered something like 1 million Great British Pounds if you see her! Scotland is such an amazinlgy beautiful place full of such rich history, it would be easy to spend much more time there. I toured Daddy around the local Cotswald Villages as well as a trip to London once we got back to England. That was another great visit.
Next will be my neice Maggie for a little over three weeks, and we are all going to Amsterdam for one of those weeks. That is one of the places I’ve always always wanted to go, so we are really looking forward to that. After she leaves, we are visitor-less for the month of July, then Josh’s sister, Mia and her family come for two weeks in August. We are still in the planning stages of that visit, so not quite sure what we are going to do yet. After they leave, we are all 6 going on a Mediterrean Cruise through the Greek isles. I can hardly wait for that. Meg and Don (Josh’s mom and stepdad) are joining us and then coming back to England with us for a visit. October, my mom will come back and in December, Josh’s sister, Che and her whole family will join us for Christmas break. How lucky are we to have family that wants to travel so far to be with us!!
I don’t even know how to begin writing about the whole Cancer thing because so much has changed and happened. Here is how I thought it would go for awhile: Once upon a time, I got diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer that spread to my bones, liver, lungs and lymph nodes and then I died. The end. As morbid and blunt as that sounds, that is how I was living pretty much since chemo was over. Everything I did was shrouded in the fact that I had a timeline hanging over my head. 2-5 years. Everytime I laughed with the girls, I hoped that it was something they would remember when I was dead. Everytime a good song came on, I thought that they would remember me when they heard it. I was constantly thinking of my funeral, my proverbial death bed, how and where I was going to die, so on so on, you get the picture. Every morning I woke up filled with anxiety and dread of facing the day and trying so hard to “forget”. Why was I constantly feeling that way? Why couldn’t I get a grip?
Then, something amazing happened. I went for a treatment (I am still recieiving anti-body treatments every 3 weeks), and my doctor told me that one of my tumor markers went up in my blood work. I totally freaked out. Why was it going up? Was the cancer flaring up again? What did it mean?
I have been seeing a reflexologist and during one of my appointments, I had a complete and total breakdown. All the panic and anxiety and dread just came out in giant gut wrenching sobs. As painful as it was, it cleared my mind for the way ahead. I knew that if the tumor markers meant that the cancer was spreading again, I couldn’t and wouldn’t do chemo again so soon after finishing up the last 6 rounds. What would I do then, I didn’t know. Josh and I talked so long and had great conversations about options. I knew that I wanted to go for a more “natural” way of getting better. So, we started watching “The Truth about Cancer”. It is a 9 part documentary series about non conventional treatment options for people with cancer. I really do recommend it for anyone going through it or if you know someone who is going through it. It’s a tremendous amount of information, with the angle of “anti-chemo”, so you have to know that going in. BUT, it’s chocked full of wonderful information.
I stumbled across a treatment options that has changed my life. Really and truly changed it. Needless to say, I wasn’t doing a lot of "L cubing" and it was really bringing me down. This treatment option is called the “Hoxey Tonic” at the Bio-chemical clinic in Tijuana Mexico. If you want some good reading material, google it, it’s really facinating. Bottom line is that the idea is to detox your body from all the crap you have fed it over your life and then build it back up with immune strenghting herbs and supplements. Also, pair it with a diet that lowers your acidity and raises the alkiline levels in your blood. It basically gives the cancer nothing to feed and thrive on. The success stories from people that were TERMINAL are amazing. They are hope filled. That’s what I needed and that is what I got.
I started following some of the diet that I had read about, even though I had already started watching what I was eating, but this is a lot stricter. NO ALCOHOL. That is sad. But, I like to live, so it wasn’t a hard choice. ANYWAY, long story super long, I am traveling to Mexico on May 23rd to meet with these doctors, get a specific amount of supplements and a specific diet and I am going to actually eliminate this cancer from my body.I am not just blowing smoke up your butt by saying it, I truly truly believe it. I will be there for a week, it will be warm and sunny and I will be so happy! So, a month after my tumor marker number went up, a month after following this strict diet and a month after believing that I am going to live, I had another PET scan. I was nervous for this scan, but not afraid. I realized that before my plan, the medicine and doctors had ALL THE POWER AND CONTROL. I absolutely could not handle that. I needed some control back. So, I made my own plan that I believed in. I knew that no matter what that PET scan showed, good or bad, I was prepared and going forth with my own plan.
I would not take chemo if my doctor advised it.
I was going to fight it naturally.
I wasn’t giving up, on the contrary, I was actually in for the true fight of my life.
The results came back Wednesday, and they were amazing. It was no change since the amazing one I had in October. No longer in my liver, no longer in my lymph nodes, and massive shrinkage in my skeleton. A few small spots in my lungs, but they haven’t grown or spread or changed in 6 months. It was a great doctors appointment that had me on a massive high. I knew that all my hard work had paid off and I was going to Mexico strong and able. The irony is that despite the whole Stage IV cancer thing, I am feeling the best I have in my entire adult life. I have lost 50 lbs since arriving here in England, I am smaller than I was when I started dating Josh about 18 years ago; so that’s a fun bonus!! I am walking everywhere and swimming and doing yoga and really and truly living, loving and laughing.
This cancer will be gone,
it will not control me,
I will defeat it.
God really does work in my favor because he lined up things for us in perfect order. Once my epic “mind shift” happened and I started feeling happy again, we finally found out where the Army wants us to live in 2017!
Josh got selected for battalion command back in March. That would be our next job in the summer of 2017. This is a job we’ve truly been working towards for the past 16 years. It was OUR goal. I wanted it for him and for us. He wanted it for him and for us. We were so happy and proud and honored that the board selected him, because the competition was tough. Some great people got battalion command and some really great people didn’t, so it made the selection even more humbling.
So, then, we just had to wait for the board to tell us where that battalion command was going to be. We were able to put a “top choice” list. We listed places back in the states that were close to NC because in all honestey, when we were making that list, we were in the midset that I had a “timeline” of life. We wanted to be back home and close to family. So, we just knew it would be one of those places. Well, it wasn’t. The army decided that it wanted Josh to command the 4/319th field artillary unit in Grafenwoehr, GERMANY!!!! What the heck. That’s not America. That’s not what we planned. After a fair bit of crying and cuss words, I came to realize that this may not of been what we wanted first, but the Army choose Josh for this amazing opportunity for a reason. If we said no, we were turning down something that we wanted for ourselves. If I was going to start believing that this cancer was going away, I didn’t neccisarily need to go home to wait to die, I should go on living. Why not Germany? Yes, it would keep us aways from family for another two years, but, it was going to be an amazing job opprotunity and an amazing opprotunity to do more traveling and live this wonderful life. So, we gratefully accepted!! Summer of 2017, we will pack up and move to Germany for 2 years. We will live on an American base, the girls will go to an American school, most of our neighbors will be American, but we will be living in Germany! So, between now and then, I will be learning some key German phrases like, “Where is the bathroom?”, “What is your best German beer?” and “How do I get home from here?”. There are also so many non-traditional cancer care treatment centers in Germany, so I will have great access to them. That is exciting.
Thanks for reading this long, rambling saga and thanks for praying for me and thinking of me. I love thinking of all of you. If you have any questions or things to say, I would be glad to answer them or talk to you more about what is happening. I will definately update this a little sooner than I have been, especially after Mexico.
I will leave you with some sayings and phrases that have really meant so much to me these last few weeks and hope you can find some inspiration in them as well.
“The pain, it will leave once it has finished teaching you” -Pavana
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”- Dalai Lama
“We cannot start over. But we can begin now and make a new ending”- Zig Ziglar
“He said, “There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. Once is called yesterday, and teh other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live”-Dalai Lama (this one is my favorite)
